The Marx Brothers
Mr Lee, Theatrical Agent (Richman)
Mr. Lee is sitting at his desk working when a knock is heard at the door.
Mr Lee Come in.
Zeppo My name is Sammy Brown and I
came into town. Saw your ad, you're Mr. Lee. Say, you can make a mint
Mr Lee What do you do?
Zeppo Dance, sing.
Mr Lee Play a role?
Zeppo Anything. Say, I'm a find for
like you, 'cause there's nothing I can't do.
Mr Lee Tell me, where did you work
Zeppo In a department store.
Mr Lee Who told you you could dance
Zeppo Say, for money I'll do
don't you try me? You might as well.
Mr Lee You might be great.
Zeppo Who can tell?
Mr Lee What do you call your
Zeppo You mean my big sensation? I
'em cold when I pull off my Chevalier imitation...
(singing) "If a nightingale could sing like
they'd sing much better than they do, 'cause you brought a new kind of
love to me..."
Mr Lee When you go out don't slam the
It's a wonderful imitation you gave of Ethel Barrymore.
Chico I'm glad you see me.
Mr Lee Step right in.
Chico Are you Mr.Lee?
Zeppo My name is Sammy Brown...
Mr Lee Come in. Do you want to talk
Chico I wanta to talka to Mr.Lee.
Mr Lee I'm Mr.Lee
Zeppo That's him.
Chico I see. You wanta a good act?
Mr Lee Yes.
Chico Well, I'm the guy you wanta
get. I no
speak very good English, but I'm full of the pep and got the ambish.
Mr Lee What do you do?
Mr Lee What's your name?
Chico Tomalio. But the best thing I
give imitations of Chevalier.
(singing) "When the nightingale, they look
Mr Lee That's enough!
Zeppo When you go
don't slam the door.
Chico Well, what do you think?
Mr Lee I need a drink.
Chico All right, I take-a the drink.
Mr Lee You'll take the air!
Zeppo The air he cries.
Chico I no like-a the air. It's too
Mr Lee Will you please keep quiet.
Chico I no saya the word.
Mr Lee Not an "and", a "but" or an
Not a word from you 'til you're spoken to.
Chico All right, you great big stiff.
Groucho I vant to speak to Mr.Lee.
Mr Lee So I see. I'm Mr.Lee.
Groucho Well, lend an ear to me.
Mr Lee Can you play a role?
Groucho Can I play a role? Do you
you're looking at?
Mr Lee No.
Groucho Caesar's ghost. I play any
Mr LeeYou will?
Groucho I eat it up like that. I
part in Ben Hur once.
Mr Lee What part did you play, sir?
Groucho A girl, she played the part
Mr Lee And you?
Groucho I played her.
Chico When you go out, take a slam at
Groucho (resuming accent)You're
kidding me aren't you not?
Mr. Lee Kidding you say? I've been
day. Now show me what you've got.
vant to play a dramatic part, the kind that toucha a woman's heart, to
make her cry for me to die...
Chico Did you ever get hit with a
Groucho (dropping accent)
There's my argument. Restrict immigration. I think I'll recite.
Mr. Lee Let it go. All right.
Groucho I'll give you a recitation.
would you prefer to see me give my Chevalier imitation? (singing)
"When a nightingale could sing like you, the sing much sweeter than
they do, 'cause you brought a new kind of love to me..."
Mr. Lee Get me a brick!
Groucho Here's a brick. I always
for this imitation.
Mr. Lee Say, I ought to lay this on
Groucho You can't do that. You don't
to the bricklayer's union.
Chico, Groucho and Zeppo Ahhhhh!
Mr. Lee Hey, what do you think you
Groucho Hey, wait a minute, wait a
You know who this is?
Mr. Lee No.
Groucho He sells frankfurters. That's
Merchant of Wieners.
Mr. Lee Well, what do you want?
Groucho Now just a moment. Wait a
He might be crazy. Wait, I'll find out. You want to go on the stage?
Mr. Lee Say, listen, you tell me what
want or I'll throw you out...
Chico Now wait, take your time. This
fella's a good dancer.
Mr. Lee Say, thank heaven there's no
Groucho What do you think of him?
Mr. Lee I wouldn't give him a dollar
Chico Not so loud, he'll take it.
Zeppo Now listen,
you're making a big mistake. These fellas are very clever. They're
funny fellas, and I've got a play that I've written that I'd like to
explain to you.
Now this is not "Monkey Business" or is it "Pineapples".
The old-style pedestal phone rings. Harpo grabs a black rubber stamp and hands it to Mr. Lee, who thinks he has the receiver. Then Harpo himself grabs the receiver and listens, clicking the cradle in answer. After futilely listening to the rubber stamp, Mr. Lee retrieves the real receiver from Harpo. Now there's so much noise that no lines of dialogue can be distinguished. Zeppo is still telling about his play, Mr. Lee is talking on the phone and Groucho and Chico are chattering away about something that is unintelligible. Groucho pulls out a desk drawer and throws his cigar butt into it. Harpo also pulls out a drawer and spits his gum into it. From a pocket. Harpo pulls out a rubber glove and blows it up, so that it resembles a cow's udder. Putting his hat under it, he pretends to milk the glove into his hat, picks up the hat and seems to drink the milk. Then he puts the hat back on his head. A telegraph boy enters with a telegram for Mr. Lee, but before he can accept it, Harpo has reached over and torn it up into little pieces, which he drops on the floor. An office girl enters, and Harpo climbs onto the desk and sits on Mr. Lee's head and shakes hands with the girl. Mr. Lee, still on the phone, fails to notice Harpo sitting on his straw hat. As the scene fades out, Harpo is doing his arm-breaking routine on the girl, while the other brothers cluster around her.
You Brought a New Kind of Love to Me
Lyrics and Music by Sammy
Fain, Irving Kahal and Pierre
If the nightingales could sing like you
I know that I'm the slave, you're the queen
I would work and slave the whole day through