The Marx Brothers
Scene 2 - Art Curtain
Enter Butler right.
Butler Calling off
will have to wait. You will have to wait. I will have to introduce you
to her social secretary.
Ruby Enter left
Simpson, Simpson, whatever is the matter?
Butler Some gentlemen are calling who
to give the Mistress a thrill. Some very peculiar gentlemen.
Ruby What do they want?
Butler They are very peculiar
Eight of them.
Ruby Eight of them? Oh, Simpson, do
think that one of them could give me a thrill?
Butler There is no doubt, Miss.
Ruby Gentlemen, Gentlemen.
Richman Madam, we are
here to discuss thrills with you. We understand that the man who can
give you the greatest thrill will receive your heart, your hand, and
Ruby Gentlemen, I am only the social
secretary. However, I will inform my mistress. Goes left.
But I too, have complexes like my mistress.
Groucho Have you any liquor in the
Ruby No, but I have suppressed
Groucho Oh, we don't mind what we
Ruby Going centre to Harpo
Can you give me a thrill?
Scene 3 - Beauty's Reception Room
Give Me A
Thrill, Ruby, Maids, and Eight Men.
At cue Art Curtains open disclosing eight chairs, which men sit on during the number. End of Number, men sing, "Richman, Poorman Etc". At the end of Chorus Black curtains open and Beauty is discovered.
Beauty It is indeed my good fortune
flattered like this. I love it! What woman doesn't?
Groucho My wife.
Beauty Coming down steps.
Mankind is our mirror. May I always see my reflection so delightfully
exaggerated. Close black curtains.
Groucho Cut those two dollar words in
Beauty But how am I to chose from
with a whole range of masculine society so perfectly represented. Close
Chief But this is absurd, madness!
Beauty No, it is not
madness for after all that man who can awaken me I will follow
willingly, confident that he can lead me along the paths of most
Groucho Gentlemen, gentlemen, I
the interest of fairness I should have the first chance.
Everybody Outside! Get out!
Beauty Gentlemen, in the interest of
fairness would you kindly retire to the drawing room and each draw a
lot? Exit men through curtains.
Scene 4 - Art Curtain
Thief But remember this is going to
decided upon by a battle or a bullet.
Beauty Well Chief, aren't you going
Chief Do you really want a thrill?
here's a real thrill!
Beauty Go! I never want to see you
Chief I'll go, but before I go there
last request that I wish to make.
Beauty What is it?
Chief Will you please let go my hand?
Beauty Oh Chief, what must you think
Groucho This is a frame up! Only
voting and I got number 35.
Zeppo My lucky number - - - 6.
Chico When do I start. Look, I got
Doctor The little doctor's number - -
All my patients go to heaven!
Thief Mine's number 4. Last time I
that it was from the Judge.
Chico to Harpo
you get? Shows some knives
Richman Number 1. Come with me to
Thief What do you mean, number 1.
Thief and Beauty exit left.
Library of Congress, Washington. Variations marked MK
from Miles Kreuger Collection,
Institute of the American Musical, Los Angeles.
Lotta Miles as Beauty