The Marx Brothers
Scene 3 - Art Curtain
Beauty Must I always be
left here surrounded by company, forced to listen to wonderful opera
singers doomed to carry out anchovies and sparkling burgundy. What
wouldn't I give for a single cinamon bun and a piece of scrapple. Oh,
Cinderella, you had a fairy godmother, where, where can I today find a
Enter Groucho between curtains
Beauty Are you my fairy?
Groucho I don't know.
I am a regular union fairy. But why are you crying little girl? Are you
lonesome or have you been reading some of Harding's speeches?
Beauty I have always been miserably
long to be wretchedly poor like everybody else. I am striving for a
Groucho Well, stop striving or I
forced to knock you for one.
Beauty Haven't you ever wanted
you couldn't get?
Groucho Yes, we have no bananas
But I can give you anything
your heart desires. I will wield my magic wand. I will make you Ella
Cinder. If you want to mingle with hoboes come with me to Hobobrook.
Beauty Where will you take me? To the
Groucho Can you dance?
Beauty And will I meet Prince
Groucho I don't know but you will
tramp who has danced himself ragged.
Beauty Is he poor?
Groucho He is so poor, he even owes
Beauty Is he actually starving?
Groucho He is practically in Armenia.
Beauty But will he dance with rich
Groucho He doesn't discriminate. He's
Horn and Hardartnite. He'll dance with anybody, - even you.
Beauty He doesn't look down on
Groucho He can't, he lives in the
Beauty taking Groucho's
Then come, take me to Prince Charming.
Groucho breaking away.
Who me, the head fairy? Ridiculous. I have some pride left. I have
other Cinderellas to call on. Sally, Irene and Mary, Joe Tiblets.
However, I will arrange for one of my assistant fairies to escort you
and he will flitter you from dump to dump.
Beauty But you, am I never to see you
Groucho Yes, when the clock strikes
meet you at the fountain. Bell off strikes 3.
Beauty Then come, I'll call my Rolls
Groucho No Rolls Royce, no taxi, no
car, no roller skates, not even a Chevrolet, you'll walk!
Beauty Marvellous, it's the first
all my life I've ever walked!
Groucho Ah, then you have never been
Exit Groucho and Beauty. After this, Beauty and Chief enter.
Library of Congress, Washington. Variations marked MK
from Miles Kreuger Collection,
Institute of the American Musical, Los Angeles.
Groucho appeared in this scene as a pipe-smoking Fairy Godmother, replete in the appropriate costume above longjohns and - in some performances - socks and garter. The choice of Cinderella may have been an ironic nod to their earlier fiasco Street Cinderella.
early versions of the show, this scene was followed by a Quartette
dancing a "Marathon number", while on Broadway there was a "Hawaiian
Scene", featuring "The 16 Yankee Girls".