Beauty's Reception Room

Scene 2 - Art Curtain

Enter Butler right.

Butler Calling off You will have to wait. You will have to wait. I will have to introduce you to her social secretary.

Ruby Enter left Simpson, Simpson, whatever is the matter?

Butler Some gentlemen are calling who wish to give the Mistress a thrill. Some very peculiar gentlemen.

Ruby What do they want?

Butler They are very peculiar gentlemen. Eight of them.

Ruby Eight of them? Oh, Simpson, do you think that one of them could give me a thrill?

Butler There is no doubt, Miss.
Crash of silverware heard off right.
Ah, they are devastating the dining room. I fear for the silver.
Enter eight men singing "Richman, Poorman, Beggarman etc.

Ruby Gentlemen, Gentlemen.

Richman Madam, we are here to discuss thrills with you. We understand that the man who can give you the greatest thrill will receive your heart, your hand, and your fortune.

Ruby Gentlemen, I am only the social secretary. However, I will inform my mistress. Goes left. But I too, have complexes like my mistress.

Groucho Have you any liquor in the house?
[MK: Tell me, my comely wench, have you any liquor on your hip?]

Ruby No, but I have suppressed desires.

Groucho Oh, we don't mind what we drink.

Ruby Going centre to Harpo Can you give me a thrill?
Business of breaking arm

Everybody Time.

Scene 3 - Beauty's Reception Room

Song - Give Me A Thrill, Ruby, Maids, and Eight Men.

At cue Art Curtains open disclosing eight chairs, which men sit on during the number. End of Number, men sing, "Richman, Poorman Etc". At the end of Chorus Black curtains open and Beauty is discovered.

Beauty Gentlemen.

Men Ah!

Beauty It is indeed my good fortune to be flattered like this. I love it! What woman doesn't?

Groucho My wife.

Beauty Coming down steps. Mankind is our mirror. May I always see my reflection so delightfully exaggerated. Close black curtains.

Groucho Cut those two dollar words in half.

Beauty But how am I to chose from among you with a whole range of masculine society so perfectly represented. Close Art Curtains

Chief But this is absurd, madness!

Beauty No, it is not madness for after all that man who can awaken me I will follow willingly, confident that he can lead me along the paths of most perfect happiness.

Song - - Just a Little Thrill of Love (or - in later versions - Only You), sung by Beauty. 1 verse and 2 choruses.

Groucho Gentlemen, gentlemen, I believe in the interest of fairness I should have the first chance.

Everybody Outside! Get out!

Beauty Gentlemen, in the interest of fairness would you kindly retire to the drawing room and each draw a lot? Exit men through curtains.

Scene 4 - Art Curtain

Thief But remember this is going to be decided upon by a battle or a bullet.

Beauty Well Chief, aren't you going to draw a number?

Chief Do you really want a thrill? Well, here's a real thrill!
Takes Beauty in his arms and gives her a long kiss.

Beauty Go! I never want to see you again!

Chief I'll go, but before I go there is one last request that I wish to make.

Beauty What is it?

Chief Will you please let go my hand?

Beauty Oh Chief, what must you think of me?

Chief I think you're a treasure, but all you need is - - -
Song - - Thrill of Love (or - in later versions - Only You). End of song men enter through Curtains.

Groucho This is a frame up! Only eight voting and I got number 35.

Zeppo My lucky number - - - 6.

Chico When do I start. Look, I got nothing!

Doctor The little doctor's number - - - 7! All my patients go to heaven!

Thief Mine's number 4. Last time I heard that it was from the Judge.

Chico to Harpo What did you get? Shows some knives

Richman Number 1. Come with me to Wall St.

Thief What do you mean, number 1.
Backing men off right. I'm the thief. I'm going to give this Jane a thrill of the underworld. Take care and don't let the grass grow under your feet.
Turning to Beauty. I'm going to take you to Chinatown and give you the thrill of the underworld. Savvy? The thrill of the underworld.

Thief and Beauty exit left.