Cinderella Backwards

Scene 3 - Art Curtain

Beauty Must I always be left here surrounded by company, forced to listen to wonderful opera singers doomed to carry out anchovies and sparkling burgundy. What wouldn't I give for a single cinamon bun and a piece of scrapple. Oh, Cinderella, you had a fairy godmother, where, where can I today find a real fairy?

Enter Groucho between curtains
Groucho Yoo hoo! Here I am. Just the type for a bungalow.

Beauty Are you my fairy?

Groucho I don't know. I am a regular union fairy. But why are you crying little girl? Are you lonesome or have you been reading some of Harding's speeches?

Beauty I have always been miserably rich. I long to be wretchedly poor like everybody else. I am striving for a goal.

Groucho Well, stop striving or I shall be forced to knock you for one.

Beauty Haven't you ever wanted something you couldn't get?

Groucho Yes, we have no bananas
[MK: Yes, a grape fruit that wouldn't squirt]

But I can give you anything your heart desires. I will wield my magic wand. I will make you Ella Cinder. If you want to mingle with hoboes come with me to Hobobrook.

Beauty Where will you take me? To the ball?

Groucho Can you dance?
Beauty does a few steps.
Hot cold slaw. Why, with those dogs I will make you the Queen of the marathon dancers. The Queen! I will crown you myself.

Beauty And will I meet Prince Charming, my beloved vagabond?

Groucho I don't know but you will meet a tramp who has danced himself ragged.

Beauty Is he poor?

Groucho He is so poor, he even owes me money.

Beauty Is he actually starving?

Groucho He is practically in Armenia.

Beauty But will he dance with rich little Ella Cinder?

Groucho He doesn't discriminate. He's a Horn and Hardartnite. He'll dance with anybody, - even you.

Beauty He doesn't look down on riches?

Groucho He can't, he lives in the basement.

Beauty taking Groucho's hand. Then come, take me to Prince Charming.

Groucho breaking away. Who me, the head fairy? Ridiculous. I have some pride left. I have other Cinderellas to call on. Sally, Irene and Mary, Joe Tiblets. However, I will arrange for one of my assistant fairies to escort you and he will flitter you from dump to dump.

Beauty But you, am I never to see you again?

Groucho Yes, when the clock strikes 12 I'll meet you at the fountain. Bell off strikes 3.
Ah, it's 11 o'clock now. Lit Brother's time. Remember at 12 at the fountain.

Beauty Then come, I'll call my Rolls Royce.

Groucho No Rolls Royce, no taxi, no street car, no roller skates, not even a Chevrolet, you'll walk!

Beauty Marvellous, it's the first time in all my life I've ever walked!

Groucho Ah, then you have never been automobile riding?

Scene 4

Exit Groucho and Beauty. After this, Beauty and Chief enter.

Groucho appeared in this scene as a pipe-smoking Fairy Godmother, replete in the appropriate costume above longjohns and - in some performances - socks and garter. The choice of Cinderella may have been an ironic nod to their earlier fiasco Street Cinderella.

In early versions of the show, this scene was followed by a Quartette singing and dancing a "Marathon number", while on Broadway there was a "Hawaiian Scene", featuring "The 16 Yankee Girls".