choir So this is Doctor Hackenbush
the famous medical
You're welcome, Doctor Hackenbush
Groucho If that's the case, I'll go!
choir Oh no, you mustn't go!
Groucho Who said I mustn't go?
The only reason that I came is so that I can go

Groucho I'm Doctor Hackenbush
my medical standing's very high
well anyways ladies and gentlemen
I am Doctor Hackenbush
choir He's Doctor Hackenbush
Groucho I'm Doctor Hackenbush
Groucho As a matter of fact, to be exact
I'm Doctor Hackenbush

girl I'm sure that they'd all like to hear
some facts about your great career
Groucho Although my horn I hate to blow
there's one thing that you ought to know

I'm Doctor Hackenbush
which all my friends will verify
well anyways ladies and gentlemen
I am Doctor Hackenbush
choir He's Doctor Hackenbush
Groucho I'm Doctor Hackenbush
GrouchoYou never would guess, but nevertheless
I'm Doctor Hackenbu-u-u-u-sh

For ailments abdominal, my charges are nominal
Though I'm great for, I've a rate for tonsillectomy
sick and healthy, poor and wealthy, come direct to me
"Oooh, God bless you!" they yell
When I send them home well
But they never, no they never, send a cheque to me

I've won acclaim for curing ills, both in the North and South
You'll find my name just like my pills in everybodys' mouth
I've never lost a case
choir He's never lost a case!
Groucho I've lost a lot of patients but I've never lost a case!

My diagnosis never fails
I know just what to do
Whenever anybody ails
I'm sympathetic too
My heart within me melts
choir His heart within him melts
Groucho No matter what I treat them for, they die from something else

When your nerves start to rock, put your faith in your doc
When you're sick he will stick to the end
With the possible exception of your mo-o-other
A doctor's a mans' best friend
choir Yes! A doctor's a mans' best friend
Groucho A doctor's a mans' best friend!
Oh-oh! A doctor's a mans' best friend!
choir A doctor is
Groucho A doctor is a mans' best friend

Right or wrong, wrong or right
Night and day, day and night
On his call you can always depend
With the possible exception of your mother and your father
and your uncles and your brothers
and your nephews and your nieces
and your sisters and your cousins
whom you number by the dozen
All A doctor's a mans' best friend!

Dr Hackenbush